Bum Bump ..... Bum Bump

Like most Jambos, i spent the week cussin an a hollerin, gnashin my teeth and wailin - barking at the moon mostly. A very disappointing performance against the skinny green on Monday night at home, has meant the season started with our Hearts missing a beat. If you had read some of the Sunday articles though, in the Daily Rangers for instance - you could be forgiven for believing that Hearts season was already terminal. Andy Walker just loves his wee dig at us, the tart.

Although i was all bitter and twisted about the whole debacle of last Monday night, as you may have picked up from the last ramshackle effort ( honestly i could hardly string two coherent thoughts together ) if you read it, I still new the season was virginal and the team was still to start.

So by the end of the week i was up again, dying for the Aberdeen game to come round.



Craig Gordon - The only downside to this that i can see is that he has not immediately got his move to one of the big 4 in the Premiership. For all his talent, he is playing for Sunderland, there is the distinct possibility that he could find himself in a real battle to beat the drop, worse find himself relegated into the championship and swallowed up in the huge machine that is English football. This could cost him his rightful place at the top of the game. On the other hand he could prove to be worth 15 points to them which may be just enough, after a storming season to take them into Europe and maybe a great run in the FA Cup. Lets hope so.

From my perspective, Hearts ( Vlad ) has done exactly the right thing. This is a stonking amount of money for him. Selling earlier and we would have got less, later and clubs would have started to look at the length of his contract remaining and begun to calculate based on that. This was exactly the right time to sell for all parties concerned.

No matter what any of the anti Vlad brigade ( Jambo or otherwise ) can say, there is absolutely no way we would have commanded anything like that kind of money for CG if it were not for Vlad's financial clout. He would most probably have been a Celtic player for the last 3 years, and we would have spent the £450,000 we got for him on servicing an unmanageable debt.

I hope he goes on to have the career we all think he is capable of and i hope as he suggested, he comes back and plays for us again -

• When he is 38 and in the twilight of his phenomenal career, full of misty eyed nostalgia for his beloved Hearts he must finish his playing career in the beautiful maroon and white.

or

• When Hearts are the most successful team in Scotland and he sees us as his best chance at winning a European trophy, we can buy him back for £20M which will be small potatoes for us.

whichever comes first.

Bum Bump? is that the sound of me landing back on Terra Firma?

Rant time - here goes

I can't remember which paper or writer, don't care!

The write up went something like -

John Collin's is brilliant because the minute it was clear that Whittaker was off he immediately pulled him from pre-season and prepared for life without him. Vlad on the other hand is a madman because he continued to play Craig Gordon throughout pre-season which is clearly stupid for a player you are intending to sell. Is it? Now what if, the reason CG was played was because Vlad was putting up the appearance that he was quite happy for him to stay with the club ( i am no hurry mate ), this being part of Vlad's bargaining position. Eminently sensible as far as i can see. The sale of both players was a coup for both of the Edinburgh clubs, why find a reason to knock one and hurrah the other. The only addition i will add is i don't think JC would have had much to do with the sale of Whittaker, and he seems the petulant sort to me so his dropping the player could be as much to do with that attitude as any shrewd tactical nous. My point is ... Media - shut up with the blindly pointless anti Hearts bollocks, there are plenty of occasions when Vlad puts us in a position of naked ridicule, so just stick to that instead of making it up when it doesn't exist.

So with The Riccarton Arms binned for the clearly unforgivable favouring the Blue nose v Chelsea nonsense over the Hearts v Barcelona game, i was struggling for a venue to watch the Aberdeen v Hearts match this weekend. I had heard that you can buy Setanta on a month by month basis from Sky these days so i phoned up the VirginMedia people and asked if i can do the same. I kind of can by simply cancelling the subscription at any time. So Setanta is the answer to the crap pub scenario.

Feet up, beer in hand and Heart on sleeve, I nervously settle down (if you can do such a thing) to watch the match. Surprise! but Hearts start the match looking confident and assured, passing is crisp and neat. Ball retention is therefore high and we look easily the better team. This can only be down to the fact that we are playing midfielders in midfield - 'i mean who'd ah thunk it'

Palazuelo and Eggert Jonsson in central midfield alongside Michael Stuart made a huge difference to the balance of the team. We were however still lacking fairly dismally in the last third of the field. Still we were well in control when Eggert made his mistake, a young lad and hopefully he will learn from it but he really should have just melted it out the park when he had the opportunity. The winger stole the ball from Eggert instead and cut back for Nicholson to dispatch the goal and the second time of asking.

Aberdeen 1

Hearts 0

Unsurprisingly this time. Hearts all but collapsed into their Monday night malaise after the shock of the goal against the run of play. Aberdeen took pretty much complete control of the game and my gills were becoming greener as each minute of the first half passed. The mental scar open again and weeping deep burgundy red.

We won this fixture last year, 3 - 1 i recall, Panilla scored a peach of a goal, but before we took the lead Aberdeen played us off the park, they oozed style and class for pretty much all of the first half in that game until we got them in a strangle hold. In this encounter however for all Hearts punch drunk performance after the loss of the opener, Aberdeen did not have the same quality at their disposal. It is early days in the season for them too i guess. With not much happening outside a constricted central third of the park and half time fast approaching, the single moment of clear quality arose to settle the match. A scramble for the ball on the edge of the box, it fell to Iveskivicius, a neat ball played into the path of Michael Stuart who clipped a great ball over the keeper and into the back of the net. Craig Gordon would have saved it mind you ! ( free now from reality we can loft him as high as we care to dream onto the highest pedestal )

Half Time

Aberdeen 1

Hearts 1

Bolstered by the equaliser at exactly the right time, Hearts went on to take control of the second half. Ksanavicius came on for Driver who had not done too much in the first half. It may be that Ksanavicius may take Drivers place in the team, he looks decent enough out there, provided a bit more penetration down the left flank.

Miko came on for Iveskivicius. This is easily the best way to play Miko, he seems to come on the park carrying much more urgency when brought on from the bench. He was even seen producing a couple of early crosses into the box!

Eggert Jonsson recovered well from his early mistake to put in an assured shift alongside Palazuelo who worked hard enough i guess but the jury is still out on him. He overcooked a couple of diagonal balls designed to drop in just behind the full backs - devastating if they come off, maybe he just needs to find his range.

The game never really looked like finding a winner and a draw was certainly the correct result, a tad more quality needed from both teams i think but neither should be too disappointed.

For Hearts we have a chance to build a bit of confidence and pick up 3 points next week against Gretna ( they threw away a 2 goal lead against Hibs - good grief ).

For Aberdeen, i couldn't give a proverbial mate.

HOOOOOOO ON THE JAMBOS

The Twilight Zone

This is a story, a very ordinary story of ordinary folks with ordinary lives.

An ordinary tale in an ordinary and ordered world, a world with rules.

The world i speak of is our world, here, the one we call Earth, a world which rotates on it's axis and in turns revolves around our sun. Creating for us the seasons and the passing of our annual cycle - this is the one constant phenomenon which allows us to comprehend and organise our existence within the confines of the passing of time.

We are ordinary folks whose lives are ordered based on that passage of time, be it controlling our waking ours or our working week, a time of rest. It may be the passing of the months and the seasons of the year - we naturally rely on that passage of time to understand our place in here and the now.

But what if that passage of time were to somehow stop! Or to rearrange itself! such that our understanding of the here and the now were to disintegrate - our ordered world would surely collapse into chaos.

This is the story of just such an eventuality, in

The Twilight Zone

Time ( supposition ) - 19:45 Monday 6th August

Place - Tynecastle Park, Edinburgh, Scotland

It may have been the start of season 2007 - 2008 but for all the world that game had the unmistakable stench of last season!

What has happened to all that time, all the things that i was sure would happen during the close season - the arrival of managers and coaches and quality midfielders who would enhance the team and turn it into something worth giving a toss about. Nothing that's what it's as if time has just bypassed the last 3 months.

Do you think maybe that my natural Jambo state is stuck firmly in the twilight zone? The aftermath of Monday night is simply a brief moment of clarity - a view of reality through the square window!

Of course i was excited about the start of the season, full of all the emotions you would expect -

apprehension and fear and desire and all the rest. But most of all, far and away the greatest, i was full of hope for the upcoming battles and sorties. The one great constant for all supporters when they line up for the season to be.

No blog entry for the Barcelona game as, curiously you may think, i chose not to go. I don't do friendlies they are invariably garbage. All teams need them it is true i just don't need to watch them. I did however shuffle up to the Riccarton Arms to watch it on the telly. Got in, bought a pint then realised they were showing the Rangers - Chelsea game. Absolutely f'n can't believe that and the pub is well and truly dumped. I watched 15 minutes of the game between what could quite easily be the two most disliked teams in the UK. Rangers could not get out of their own half so i was amazed when i found out they won 2 - 0. Stormed out of the pub in disgust and home to listen to the Hearts - Barcelona game on the radio. It was predictably garbage. Nuff said.

Before the game began i entered once again The Twilight Zone. Bear with me.

One of the main purposes of pre match warm up is, this is my opinion you understand and i have never played football to any level worth talking about, the main purpose is for the players to loosen up their muscles and relax there bodies and most importantly to allow the players to collect themselves, to focus on the game ahead. To coin an Americanism, to "get in the zone" ( not the twilight one ). This is a very personal thing with each player dealing with his own Psyche in his own personal way.

So for anyone who witnessed this i was initially amazed, a state which quickly froze into abject fear.

The Hearts warm up consisted of some trainer guy standing 20 yards in from the Roseburn stand touchline with a whistle in his mouth. He would peep his whistle once every second or so at which time a pile of the massive Hearts squad would sprint from the touchline towards him.

I mean for all the saints what the hell is going on at Riccarton if they think this is the way to approach a pre-match warm up. This is football not "running around on grass really fast"

Here is the unshakable vision that has been thrust into my head -

Unfortunately the best i can say about the performance was, we done a lot of running around on grass, sometimes quite fast.

Lets face it Hibs caught us cold, their first scamper down the left and Neilson didn't get to there to block the cross, Karipidis made a poor attempt at clearing from the front post, so the striker was in to nod home. If Karipidis had got to it the most likely outcome was an own goal in any case.

Hearts did have a game plan, just the one mind you.

The game plan was :-

Lets beat their obviously calamitous goalkeeper by lobbing him straight from the kick - off. He will of course drop the ball - His confidence shattered we will go on to score a bucket of goals and his Hibs career would effectively be over ( at least against Hearts that is ). Unfortunately Makalamby calmly watched the ball drop a couple of feet behind the bar, and continued to calmly stroll through the rest of the match - he must be wondering what all the fuss was about.

He looks a decent enough keeper but it is hard to tell when he was under minus 274 degrees worth of pressure.

The game plan shot Hearts stumbled through the rest of the game with a complete dearth of tactics or semblance of a strategy. I spent most of the first half ( a half that Hearts pretty much owned ) thinking to myself - Hibs are crap, they are rubbish we should be annihilating this garbage. But of course we were completely bloody useless.

In truth Hibs looked solid enough at the back but i think on this showing the have a big hole to fill. They seemed to flirt a bit with the idea that quick movement and passing is a good thing but without the real passion for it or the drive to make it really count.

At least Hibs at some idea where the other members of their team were, as with huge swathes of last season Hearts players look perpetually confused and rushed and well petrified whenever they have the ball. I despair, do we do any football during training? Do we just run our players into the ground, or onto the physios table more like.

Hearts played Ibrahim Tall in midfield, this has never worked for us before, the only possible explanation for it this time round is that Stuttgart are supposedly looking at him for £500,000 and Vlad wants him playing. No idea why Palazuelos was not playing, seemed so completely obvious.

As for Benuisis up front, watching a player simply die out there is never pleasant but it was Hibs for christ sake, the first game of the season and against Hibs. We needed with a capital N to win that game, we needed to do whatever it took, like hook him after 15 minutes when it was obvious he had no chance. We needed to do it and we did nothing.

Ksanavisius looked an ok player, out of position but might be worth a shot.

Michael Stewart ran about like a man possessed in the middle, with the same attitude and LarryK in there too, with some decent out's up front we might be able to start to cook but for sure it seems a million miles away right now.

Robbie Nielson was lucky to stay on the park for some mentalist tackling.

Miko has come in for his sizable share of abuse from Jambos over the past couple of years, some of it justified but for sure not all of it. With the Tynecastle faithful desperate for "Benny from crossroads" to be hooked on the hour mark, the sight of makela warming up gave us all a little hope. Makela was brought on for Miko though and shoved out on the wing with Benny left to humiliate himself in the centre. The round of boos was extreme and i hope Miko realised it was not aimed at him. An ok game by his standards but still lacks the final ball far too often.

As the game wore on, Hibs became more and more confident in the fact that we were useless and i am sure have seldom enjoyed an easier last 20 minutes at Tynecastle.

I have been quite scathing here, i am sure you will agree. In truth, i was in the pub before the game and mentioned - anyone who can predict or read anything into the first game of the season is a fool, it is always a lottery!

So you can discount every word i have written here, your time reading this was in all likelihood spent drifting through the dimensions in

The Twilight Zone.

Seasons End

Apocalypse Now was on the telly the other night and as i settle down to write this final entry, a summation of season 2006/2007, the opening title music and scenes fill my head. "This is the end ......" and tropical forests are napalmed into oblivion - for a season that lacked almost everything a melodramatic image to conclude it all.

If i could have i would have napalmed that season




Guess i could just stop now, that about sums the whole thing up ...

Not quite!

Given that the Romanov era is still with us at Tynecastle and last season ( i need to stop thinking of it now as last season - season before last ) was such a powerful and intoxiting brew, it is impossible in my eyes to sum up 06/07 without comparison to 05/06. That i think is part of the problem i have with this newly concluded campaign.
If 05/06 was played out in glorious technicolor, a tragi-drama of epic proportions, sumptous cinematography and a cast of thousands. Then 06/07 flickered by in cracked and ancient sepia a pale ghost of it's predecessor, 90% of which deserved to be left on the cutting room floor.

We had our dramas this year ofcourse, there is no mistaking that but for the most part they were more like watching a disturbed adolescent self harm, than they were like witnessing the crash, bang, wallop of our rampage through the fun fair of the previous year.
It just wasn't fun this year and that is the most damning statement i can make about the whole sorry show.
There is a thought though, could this year have been the Vlad era's troubled adolescence? Are we set to bloom into a fully fledged mature and powerful buck ready to take on the old guard next year?

I will follow last years example and stick to some ordered categories so that this entry doesn't spiral up my trouser leg in a fit of superlatives -

Best goal
This is really tough because goals themselves have been at a premium never mind good ones.
I really like Driver's free kick against Celtic to make it 2 - 0 to the good guys.
Any goal we scored which came as a result of a goal keeping error which pretty much means all goals we scored against Hibs.
Putting my sensible head on though the best goal was Panilla's in the first game at Pittordrie, great team work, fast paced and accurate passing, completed by intelligent and clinical finishing.

Worst Goal
Tough one this for exactly the opposite reason to the first category, i have witnessed too many goals for the opposition this year. I can't really remember any that were as you might say - a thing of beauty. So i will go for the goals that bothered me most.
Aberdeens equaliser a few weeks back at Tynecastle was very painful but not as painful as the Hibs goal in the diddy cup.

Best Game
Not the best game we played but the most exciting and therfeore enjoyable has to the boxing day game against Hibs.

Worst game
Without a shadow of a doubt, even although we took 4 - 0 drubbing from Dundee Utd at Tynecastle later in the season, the worst game Hearts played this season was the 1 - 0 defeat to Hibs at easter Road. Actually i am not even sure if we could count that as a game from Hearts, i left that ground feeling ill. A million miles past frustrating, just awful.

Best Player
There is absolutely no mistaking that Craig Gordon is in a different league entirely to the rest of the Hearts team, but for me he has not had the best of seasons. So i will leave him out because it should have been a no brainer for him to take this accolade, i have to give it to Christophe Berra who has been there 100% through the thickest of the fog this year and never wavered once.

Worst Player
Oh my god where to begin, it would be unfair to point the finger at one of the newer candidates but Philibaitus takes the biscuit, could have gone to baressa i think but it has been so long since he played i have forgotten the horror.

Comedy Moment
It has got to be the post derby day sit in at Easter Road to spoil the party parade. Absolute unfettered genius.

High Point
Through all the troubles of this year we have actually faired better against Hibs than we did last year taking 10 points out of 12 in the league, obviously the 3 wins were fairly high up there, but...
Unfortunately the high point of the season was the 30s before kick-off in the Athens game at Murrayfield.

Low Point
I am tempted to say the following 90 minutes, but no quite.
I have to refer back to the league cup defeat to Hibs, but there have been so many that really hurt that it is hard to single one out. Wait it is not a game, the lowest point was Malofeev / Riabovas handover that never happened - we were in danger of imploding right then.

Best Performance
My brain has stopped working, i can't think of a single game that was any more than OK.

Hero
Don't do hero worship this year

Manager of the year
Once again we have far too many to choose from, i am of the opinion that we have improved since moving to the pairing of Korobochka and Frail that is not to say that we are any good just better than we were.

Vlad's best decision
I could say that Vlad's best decision has been to keep a low profile over the past few months but i guess it has to go to getting rid of Malofeev. When you consider that it was Romanov who appointed Malofeev in the first place then does it count as a good decision when you get shot of him. I don't care, just so long as he doesn't come back.

Vlad's worst decision
Not really a single decision here, his handling of the Riccarton 3 was typical of Vlad at his most intransigent and unreasonable, but that pales into insignificance when you weigh that against 2 of the 3 now playing for Celtic and for next to nothing. Just makes you want to weep.

Best Save
Craig Gordon made a couple of saves against Sparta Prague, just before they scored there were truly breathtaking, each one should have added a 6 figure sum to his value.

Best Team
OK here goes ( i will only use players who were at the club for the 2nd half of the season as i do not hold Hartley or Pressley 100% innocent in their own departures ). This is nigh on impossible, this team does not reflect performances this season, it is just the best i think we could turn out right now.

Gordon

Tall Zaliukas Berra Goncalves

Miko Kingston Aguar Driver

Velicka Bednar

Worst Team
Most annoying team by a mile were St Mirren, Dunfermline have got to be in the running for getting relegated the numpties but for me the worst team were Motherwell, just plain gash.

So there you go that about sums it all up from me, i notice from writing this that my attention has focussed this year more on Hibs than it did last year. That i think is a mark of the change between o5/06 and 06/07 where in the former season our ambitions were loftier than simply being better than our neighbours.
So i hope that next season Hearts will spend once again less time considering how we are fairing compared to our friends in the East

So in readiness for that time

HOOOOOOO ON THE JAMBOS

Roman candles that fizzle out

Depression is not the reason why i have taken so long to write this blog entry - too late now by far so this one is just for completion really.

I refer to the game at Kilmarnock, the last game of the season and Hearts last chance saloon for a eufa cup place. It failed and it failed in a depressing fashion, but again depression is not the reason why i have taken so long to write this entry.



There was a time a couple of weeks back before the end of the season, when there was still a possibility that Hearts could pull the rabbit out of the hat - it went something like .. we win against Kilmarnock and Aberdeen fail to beat Rangers in their very own final day drama.



The venue for me was the previously infallable Riccarton Arms, now demoted to the level of all other normal venues, no longer holding some magical power over games watched there. Now that the shine has gone the pub looks shoddy and downbeaten as it always did before.



A glorious sunny day to end the season on a high if Hearts managed to pull it off but from our perspective it went off like damp roman candle. Hearts started brightly enough with some strong runs into the Killie box by Driver and Bednar, coming close but no cigar. Fairly soon into the game though news came through from Pittordrie that Aberdeen had taken the lead - a cracking strike from ex jambo Scott Severin. From that point on the dampness seeped deep into the gunpowder and the candle merely cast a maroon cloud of smog with no brilliant phosphorous centre to delight our afternoon.
I guess the thought crossed my mind that perhaps we were trying too hard, couldn't relax under the pressure and a goal for us would make all the difference, perhaps it would have but i am not so sure. In anycase Aberdeen scored a second and it was obvious that the Hearts players were well aware of this as they played out the game without the cavalry charge or the explosion of brilliance that would have given us the victory - our challenge just fizzled out in the sunshine as the glory went to the Dons.
Good luck to them really, i am certain they deserve their 3rd place. The only thing i would say is, and this is just what a lot of blue noses threw in out direction last year - Just as we pipped Rangers last year, Aberdeen pipped us for 3rd spot and we have been a disaster area all season, they will not have the same luxury next year.

To kill the day completely Kilmatrnock converted a late penalty to send home beaten and demoralised - a sad end to a sad season.

11th commandment

Nothing happens at Hearts anymore, i can hardly think of anything to write about. There are just no disasters anymore, natural, supernatural or otherwise, externally motivated or self inflicted. Just nothing but the regular football stuff - players getting injured or coming back or getting suspended or appealing so they can play in important games before the seasons climax.
We really need the end of the season so that Vlad can regroup and start another assault, another madcap rampage through Scottish football culture.
Vlad just bought a building in Edinburgh, the old Royal Bank headquarters i believe, £20M so the papers claim - Jesus he's mental isn't he.
If it had not been for the surprise chance of a shot at 3rd place by squeezing past Aberdeen, this season would have silently slipped under the stone it has been hiding behind since the very start.

As the week progressed i became more and more confident that Aberdeen would get a win in one of their remaining games so all i was really looking far in the derby game against Hibs was a good performance and a stonking great horseing for the skinny green.
I can think of no better way to wrap up the season than with your last home game being against Hibs. A few beers in the Caley Sample Rooms before the game just a livener for many more beers afterwards. In there with one of my kids and a Hibs supporter over in the enlightened half of the city for a change - he is generally quite disgruntled with the state of play at Easter Road but pretty much understands the constraints that bind the team. That's it for me that just sums the whole thing up! I asked him if he would swap the the circumstances of both teams, if he would take for Hibs the knife edged danger of having a madman in charge, a throw of the dice. For Hearts would he offer up the stable fiscal policies of a miserly wage cap for the long term stability and imposed mediocrity of the club.
I know which one i favour!
After some debate and an admission on my part that no one in Scotland could take on the gruesome twosome without accepting an unnatural state in order to do so ( neither of those two could take on europe without doing the same, Rangers have tried it and it looks like it is costing them a decade of humble pie ). I still don't think i got a straight answer - but i will answer for him -
"too bloody right i would take the throw of that dice"

It became clear that Scott Brown was not in the Hibs squad, i was ofcourse pleased by this but thinking back now that will be the last time we see him in a derby match which is a bit of a shame really - it would have been good to see him match up against LarryK, if only just the once.
Oh how Hibs missed Scott Brown!
We pontificated over the likelyhood of some bust up with John Collins and Brown resulting in his expulsion from the squad and last game for Hibs already played. As it turned out though Scott Brown had a family loss and was unable to play. Just shows you though there is more potential for intrigue and sabotage at Easter Road than there is at Tynecastle - i am missing it.
Oh how Hibs missed Scott Brown!

And some! that is probably the most inept display by a Hibs team at Tynecastle that i have seen for ages. I seem to remember the 4 - 1 game at Tynecastle last year was a pretty dire display by them, but really on Saturday in that first half they were awful.
As an aside, here's a thought, even after all the depression of this season we have taken more points from Hibs this year 10 out of 12 than we did last year 6 out of 12.
I had just sat down and sadly had missed the Cheers theme over the sound system, when the game kicked of. Amazingly we scored after 30s and it was our 2nd attack! One long ball had gone through to Andy McNeill, the second punted to the left of the box, Pospisil muscled his way between the two stumbling centre halfs more in hope than expectation. His reward was for the ball to drop over his shoulder and down to his feet - hey you make your own luck in this game. Pospisil still had a lot to do but he managed to get a foot round the ball to direct it across the keeper and into the net.
The crowd could hardly believe it, but we enjoyed it just the same.
With Hibs relying far too much on Louis Stevenson - he looks like a good player but it was completely unfair to expect him to carry the whole of the midfield fight to Hearts. Some of Hearts play was almost reminiscent of last years pedigree as we swept forward at every opportunity and attacked from all areas. Fyssas was playing his last game for Hearts and he was really enjoying his run out up the left with Driver ahead of him. Andy McNeill in goal for Hibs made a couple of decent saves then one really good clearance from a Bednar header that looked a goal all the way. Pospisil had another effort well saved and Berra had a good header turned onto the bar, it could have been six by half time.
On the other hand Hibs had a couple of breakaway chances where they really should have scored, most notably a break after a corner to Hearts found the Hibs front two bearing down on - good grief there is only Fyssas at the back! Passes between each other being over hit and delaying just that split second too long found Karipidis screaming in from nowhere to make the challenge and stop the shot an excellent piece of defending but really they should have buried that.
So it is carved in stoney grey granite, the 11th commandment. Which roughly translated from the ancient Hebrew dictates ...

"And the lord spoke, so it shall be unto all the Hibs goalie's and for all eternity, that they shall make an erse of a simple catch when playing against the good guys"

The ball was clipped forward and as Andy Driver chased on as he should, and the Hibs defender did likewise, the the ball was McNeills all the way. He ran out to collect on 16 yards. pious chap that he is the 11th commandment was met as he took his eye off the ball at exactly the moment he should have concentrated hardest. The ball evaded him somehow and allowed Driver to steal in behind, under pressure he did well to take on his right thigh and finish with his left on the half volley.
The crowd could hardly believe it but we loved it just the same.

Half Time

HMFC 2
Old testament zealots 0


Now i was not happy with Hearts 2nd half display, really i thought we just couldn't be arsed. There was an opportunity i thought to really tear that team to shreds, they were 1 or perhaps 2 goals away from a complete collapse. Hearts just didn't pursue and we let go of the tigers tail ( Ok it wasn't a tiger it was a hamster ).
From a Hibs perspective it was a much better second half, where they had a lot more of the ball and put some pressure on Hearts defence. They never managed any real penetration however as Hearts midfield adopted a deeper position and a safety first attitude.

Fyssas left the field after an hour or so and shook every Hearts players hand on the way off. It probably is time for him to go but i for one am sad to see him go. For me last season he more than anyone else signified the step up in stature and quality we were attempting to achieve.

Tall came on for injured Larry Kingston who had had a straightforward decent game. Tall in midfield is just plain crazy but it hardly mattered we just gave Hibs the ball for 2/3 rds of the pitch and then put up the shutters for the remaining 1/3rd - just too easy really.

There had been many renditions of - "your gettin beat by a pub team, beat by a pub team" all of which was just reward for John Collins who had been in a bad mood since the off. He will learn from that i guess and pay other teams a bit more respect in future. Or maybe he won't learn from any of his mistakes, maybe he will just run out of time and get punted by Hibs before October is out, i would not be surprised in the slightest.

Full time

HMFC 2
Hibs 0


So we have one game to go, away to Kilmarnock, pretty simple really. We need to beat kilmarnock which is a racing certainty. Aberdeen play Rangers at Pittordrie, whilst it is true that there is no love lost between that pair, i think Aberdeen's greater need might just carry them over the line, blooody hope not.

So for one last time this season

HOOOOO ON THE JAMBOS

Edge

It is like a little haven of greenery in the middle of Carricknowe, i had no idea it existed but if you can navigate your way to the Primary school deep in the centre of the estate you will come across an opening of playing fields surrounded by a border of mature trees.
Very pleasant surroundings for Sunday mornings encounter between Currie Star and Carricknowe.

Currie have been progressing well of late so the lads and the travelling band of die-hard support were justifiably confident on arrival.
With the game just minutes old and Currie 1 - 0 up confidence was ever higher. The game took a turn, it took a few turns actually and one of them was dark and brooding. Innevitable really, we are talking about boys here ( mostly anyroads ), sooner or later adrenalin pumps to the fore and games can take on an edgy quality, this game became very edgy indeed.
All relative i guess, up until now i can't recall a single incident in any previous game that had even the slightest malice. This one though had and edge.
This is Scotland and we love that sort of thing but i think i could be doing with seeing the lads turn into teenagers before they turn on each other!
I will not point any fingers, whoever started it got as much back as they dished out so all's fair in war and fitba.

All in all it was a fairly evenly matched game with both teams nip and tuck and defences struggling to cope with the end to end barrages, the score quickly raced to something like 4 - 3 to Carricknowe. Currie were perhaps guilty of some defensive lapses that seemed to have been sorted out in previous weeks, this though was countered with an enthusiasm to attack at any opportunity.

Unfortunately for Currie during that middle period Caricknowe managed to get 3 without reply and from then on Currie struggled to keep a hold of the game. A final score of 8 - 5 to Carricknowe just about deserved. The most memorable aspect of this one however will be that unmistakeable acid aroma of the edge.

No Overtaking

Absolutely convinced i was, that all would be OK, that Hearts would win the game this week against Aberdeen and put 1 point between us and real pressure on them. I was really looking forward to the game, full of anticipation without the sickening nervousness to get in the way of the run up.
Larry Kingston, as expected picked up a ban for his racist slur against the referee the last time these two teams met - a 3 game ban sounded like poetic justice given that there were exactly 3 games left of the season and may well have wrapped up Larry's career in a Hearts shirt and packed him up and off to somewhere else - The SFA are a shower of barstewards.
Who knows i sincerely hope that Larry sticks around to see out next season at least, without UEFA football for Hearts we may not be his choice however. As for the ban it was of course immediately appealed .. rant time

A good few dour Aberdonians picked up the blower to various football phone in's to bemoan that the phone in host will have had his tea then! and also that Hearts had no right to appeal the ban on Larry, Hearts should just take their medicine and get on with it. One caller even had the bare faced North Eastern doom-mongery to ask if this was Hearts reaching a new low!?
Well to these punters i state ....

This was as i am sure we will all agree, a tactical appeal to allow Larry to play in as many of these important last few games as possible, with the full understanding that it may result in a harsher sentence being bestowed ( that is the risk taken ). Furthermore every manager of any club would have done exactly the same thing and if not, as a supporter of the club who didn't appeal under those same circumstances i would definitely have asked questions.
My point is not that the appeal is morally just. My point is that this is not something intrinsic or peculiar to Heart of Midlothian Football Club that only we would lower ourselves to make such an appeal, i mean, get real!

Tynecastle was as expected full to capacity and the crowd were expectant of a real battle and willing to play their part in the fight for 3rd spot. Convinced and still am that a win for Hearts would have put too much pressure on Aberdeen, they would crack before the end to allow Hearts to nip in and steal the UEFA cup place. So this was do or die for us, time to put up or shut up. A draw would be a lot more use to Aberdeen than it would be to us so i had prepared myself for a hard slog trying to break down a well organised and hungry Aberdeen side intent on taking their 4 point advantage over us into the last two games. I suppose given those last two games for Aberdeen are against the ugly sisters i can see now why the play for a draw and hope for a win tactic was not their favoured option.

I was entertained by the banner over in the Aberdeen end which had the logo ...

along with the respective points totals and current league positions, well once i had worked it out any roads. For a while i pondered - christ have Aberdeen finished 3rd 61 times and Hearts 4th 57 times no way! and even if they had what anal mentalist would have had the compulsive disorder to work it out and paint a banner about it. DOH !

Now that i have taken account of what the Hearts do rather than the bloody huddle we used to do, i am not so sure the huddle is such a bad idea. The players danced around the centre circle in some broken square dance attempting to double handedly high five each and every one of each other. Tell me what is wrong with the good old fashioned - take up your position on the park, shout encouragement at your team mates and scream threatening abuse at the opposition?

After some early pressure from Hearts Aberdeen settled into the game and dominated the midfield for most of the first half, during this time they created a number of decent chances and must have been aggrieved to go in at half time without scoring never mind a goal down!
But that is how it was, Aberdeen had a great cross and header crash off the post, a shot just over and a whole load of other chances that may have come to more than they did. A lot was coming down their left wing where Karipidis was getting skinned every time, he did not look comfortable at all. Kancelkis was inside of him and was enduring his own crisis. A crisis mostly self induced mind you as he set about making an enemy of the ref for not much reason at all. After his booking and post booking talking too from the ref Gordon was desperately signalling to the bench to get him subbed off before he got sent off. This appeal was ignored by the bench until half time when he was replaced by Tall. With Tall inside him Karapidis had a much happier second half. No explanation for that just how i seen it?
You couldn't really say that Hearts goal was against the run of play, it just sort of came out of no where. A plus for us was the return of Bednar up front to accompany Velicka, a minus however was a return to a more arial game with lots of long balls aimed up to the front two. Was this something to do with Bednar up front, i hope not because it is not the best part of his game, not by a long shot. Nevertheless it was one of those arial launches that, not dealt with allowed Velicka to slip through the left channel and in on goal, still with lots to do, under pressure and with the angle tightening he managed to crash the ball under the keeper. Very like the second goal at Easter Road earlier in the season to steal that 2 - 2 draw against Hibs. So similar in fact that a round of "are you Zibby in disguise" belted from the Wheatfield Stand. Much more a round of our euro anthem engulfed Tynecastle, the first time we have heard that one for a good few months now and a sure sign that belief was in the air. We needed another goal in this encounter though and that's where the trouble starts.

Half Time
HMFC 1
Aberdeen 0

Aberdeen must have been pretty gutted at going in a goal down but you wouldn't have known from the second half, it was pretty much role reversal. Hearts the more dominant, with the lions share of possession and chances. A fair shout for a penalty as Driver drove into the box, defender sprawling under his feet he clearly handled the ball as Driver attempted to round him. Referee unimpressed and neither were the Tynecastle faithful. A few more chances, efforts on goal but the clear cut chance just was not coming, a combination of decent defending and the wrong ball at the wrong time meant that as the game wore on it became ever more nervous, that nervousness osmosis like drifted up the stands as the game entered it's final stages.
A break down the right and a cross far to the back post opened out a clear opportunity for Aberdeen, a well struck shot just over the bar - That was their chance i muttered under my breath!
Brewster had come on and as is his want he set about setting about the Hearts defence, with only a couple of minutes left he created the opening - again down the right for another cross to the back post, this time crashed into the top of the net for the all important equaliser. The Red Ultras as they like to call themselves enjoyed that one. I am beginning to fail to remember the last time Aberdeen did not get it right up us in the last few minutes of a game at Tynecastle - oh aye, the same fixture this time last year!

Funny old game but i am not so sure that it really makes that much difference - Aberdeen still need to take 2 points from their two remaining games, assuming Hearts win both ours mind you.
With Celtic horsed by Her Royal Ugliness and a Scottish Cup final coming up surely they will need to start playing football again and i just don't see Rangers doing them any favours. We might yet just sneak it.
Brutally honest here - Aberdeen deserve their UEFA spot it will surely be a steal if we manage to wrestle it from them - get the tights over yer heads and swag bags at the ready.

HOOOO ON THE JAMBOS

Smells like team spirit

There was an unwelcome return to some inclement weather at Kingsknowe this Sunday morning for Currie Stars game ( i apologise for not knowing the name of the opposition - they played in red - i will call them Reds for the sake of our understanding ). In truth it was an archetypal Scottish spring day - blustery with sunshine and showers and the fabled 4 seasons in one day was born true. After last weeks wonderfully mild and sunny Sunday morning this one was hard work to deal with. It is just as well then that Currie Star once again served up a tremendous display to take our minds off the 'brolly or no brolly cos it's too windy' unsolvable conundrum.

Currie Star needed no time at all to take the game by the scruff of the neck forcing Reds back into their own half from the kick off. There is a level of understanding between the boys Currie Star these days that just wasn't there at the start of the season and is now making them a formidable outfit for anyone to take on. That organisation allowed Star to dominate the Reds in the first ten minutes culminating in a well struck and very well deserved goal.
Reds had a few good players and a couple of really exellent footballers in their team though so it was no surprise really when they forced their way back into the game. After a few sorties down both flanks Currie Star were rocking a little and succumbed to breakaway goal midway through the first half - at that time the draw was entirely correct on the balance of play.
Currie Star have something in their locker which has been evident for the last few months, along with the organisation and understanding there is also a spirit, defiance and fight about them. Within a minute of Reds equaliser, Currie Star picked up a Reds corner on the edge of their own box and made headway at pace down the right flank, It is wonderful and mental at the same time to watch football at this stage - it was the left back who was making this run as right wing-back. The lad galloped up the wing with Reds midfield and defence chasing him down, 20 yards out he cut inside a yard or two and drove a low shot under the keeper and into the corner of the net. A great effort and great goal.

That same left back has a habit of, when facing his own goal and under extreme pressure, he will put his foot on the ball and turn round rather than horse the ball out of the park. He has about an 80% success rate. In my head i always scream 'just get rid', i guess it is burned into my psychy but surely i should encourage the cultured option over the agricultural hoof. It's my boy though and when he gets caught in possession my heart is in my mouth, no idea why i should bother cos he just gets on with it and next time gets them back.

The second half produced more dominance from Currie and more dangerous play on the break from Reds. One more goal for Currie and a great 3 - 1 victory.

If Calrsberg made GateCrashers

The would probably make ...

Heart of Midlothian Football Club

Apologies for the flagrant miss of last weeks defeat to Rangers, no excuses really i have just had lots on. An extension to my house is nearing it's conclusion and with that my stress levels escalate - too much to do, too little time. And last week i had to go down to London to work - so i just didn't get the time to put something together, sorry.

It was as i am sure you know a depressingly familiar defeat to debatable the ugliest of the ugly sisters. A great goal to take us into the lead but really we just didn't seem to have the wherewithal to capitalise on the lead and we let the game slip out of our grip too easily for my liking.

May be we need the added emphasis of the other lot having something to celebrate in order to get our juices flowing!

So the run up to this game, even with the defeat to Rangers behind us was for me surprisingly optimistic - this may well have been down something as prosaic and irrelevant as the defeat of sad sad Hibees in the Scottish Cup semi final to Dunfermline - a wee aside for them -

If Dunfermline, and i sincerely hope they do, manage somehow to get past Celtic in this years Scottish Cup final, it will surely constitute the most glorious march to a cup win in the history of the competition.

Rangers

Hearts

Hibs

Celtic

All will have fallen to the mighty pars! For that reason as much as any other, not that it should be really needed, i hope all neutral supporters in the land get right behind Dunfermline on cup final day - a win for them would be truly glorious.

So a wee titter at Hibs blowing the cup they just can't win and i am somehow optimistic for the rest of the season? Not really, i hope anyroads! I believe things have been looking up for a number of weeks now, with the only real blip being Larry Kingston's suspension. Larry's indiscretion when calling the ref a racist may well come back to bite us between now and the end of the season, if his visit to the wigs at Hampden on Wednesday sees him handed more punishment. The keel, in a Jambo context is pretty much berthed in dock things are so steady. I have been pontificating to various people of late that all we really need for next season is a couple of midfielders of similar quality to LarryK and things could really start to cook and i am pretty much convinced that next season will be markedly better than this burnt out affair.

Did i just say, burnt out affair! No chance the season has just started!

This is the first time this season that i have really felt we have a vested interest in what is going on, you know felt what Hearts were involved in mattered and wasn't just making up the numbers. After last season, being an extra in this one has been a major disappointment to us all. There is very little time left but the rest of this season should be storming stuff, the only show in town is at Tynecastle and Pittordrie it should be nailbiting stuff.

Somehow through all the madness and disruption Hearts have managed to navigate their way to a position where we can actually achieve something of note, something worthwhile. Sure, relative to last year, sneaking past Aberdeen to steal the last remaining EUFA cup spot is meagre fair but right now we would bite your hand off for it.

My feeling of optimism crashed on Saturday afternoon as i listened to The Aberdeen v Kilmarnock game on the radio whilst tiling my new bathroom. Kilmarnock just didn't turn up and the Dons cantered to an easy 3 points which left them 7 points ( goal difference effectively 8 ) points ahead of Hearts, our game in hand was in Glasgow against the champions on the day they get handed the trophy. With a win a necessity how were we supposed to deliver.

Then the end of the Gretna v Ross County game stormed over the airways. With Gretna's challengers for the title doing their bit by winning their game and Gretna drawing, the title was St Johnstone's - in the 90th minute a breakaway attack by Gretna - it's 4 against 3 and the ball crashed into the net and it all turns round Gretna are champions of the first division and their very own dream continues. I am reminded that the almost impossible is entirely possible when football is the soup.

A result against debatable the ugliest of the ugly sisters would set us up perfectly to chase down Aberdeen.

The game

The now mandatory Riccarton Arms was the venue for the game, which itself as many would believe was actually just a curtain raiser for the party to follow. I seem to remember another such event a few weeks back for another team in green, Hibs now though seem far removed from the League cup winners, having embroiled themselves in a Tynecastle-esque maelstrom of controversy and self destruction.

The game started and continued in a pedestrian stroll, i was interested in watching Hearts take part in this gander around Celtic Park in the sunshine but it was not what you might call exciting. Pretty sure that if the game continued as it had started i would have become increasingly frustrated and annoyed, more of that later though.

Karipidis attempted to walk out of defence with the ball and was caught in possession, Jarosik the benefactor with a crisp shot low to Gordons right, saved well. A decent move later in the half, some neat passing around the 18 yard box set up McGeady for a shot, that flew a foot wide with Gordon this time rooted to the spot. The stats read things like 60% possession to Celtic and shots on goal Celtic 5 Hearts 0. This however bellied a Hearts team who were more than comfortable in this game, you could never say they were progressive in this half though.

Brellier who had been his usual self managed to hurt himself in a challenge and was replaced before the end of the half, Kancelkis on for him and Zaliukas moved forward into Brellier's position ( remember those autumn days when we played Zaliukas in midfield, oh ma god ).

This time round though Hearts took this switch in their stride, perhaps we should be encouraged by this also.

The half ended in a bit of a snore and no one could have foreseen what was to come later.

If anything the start of the second half was even less interesting than the first, until. Until Larry decided he had had enough of this nonsense and changed the game. A force full run straight at the Heart of the Celtic defence followed by a neat through ball split a static Celtic defence to allow Ivekivicious to brush past Pressley and clip the ball over Boruc for a very nice goal. Not the kind of goal Hearts have been scoring at all this year.

Que the Celtic comeback?

Celtic could not find the gear.

Ten minutes later and another surging run by Larry was halted on the edge of the box. Larry and Driver ( who had swapped wings with Mikoliunas ) lined up for the shot. I thought, let Larry take it, let Larry take it, let NakaDriver take it. Driver clipped a perfect ball over the wall and into the left hand corner of the net.

Party Hosts 0

Hearts 2

Que the Celtic comeback?

Celtic found a gear, i think it was second. Nakamura found some space he had no right to on the right wing and clipped over a perfect cross for a completely unmarked Pressley to head home.

It is written in law that in situations such as this the Glasgow giant, blue or green, spend the next 20 minutes putting their opponents to the sword. Winning the game 3 - 2, demoralising the poor recipients.

Que Celtic's 3rd, 4th and 5th gear in quick succession?

The chain fell off leaving Celtic to do no better than coast until once again Larry Kingston chose to run straight at their defence, this time in the box a very clumsy challenge by Pressley brought his elbow into sharp connection with Larry's face and a penalty for Hearts.

Pospisil hit it with just enough to get past the sprawling Boruc.

Party Hosts 1

Hearts 3

I have no idea why i was nervous between then and the end of the game, the second goal did not come, which i guess may have signalled another Que for Celtic to switch gears. The second goal nearly did come with a shot that was cleared of the line by, by Larry Kingston ofcourse. What can i say he had one of those games.

So the party was once again well and truly gatecrashed and ruined. There was no chance of a repeat of the comedy genius that was the Easter Road sit in. lets face it the 800 or so Jambos would probably have been eaten alive if they had tried that stunt again.

Another GIRUY for the Jambos but much more importantly the difference between Hearts and Aberdeen again reduced to 4 points.

Here is my theory

We win the rest of our games this season, starting with Aberdeen themselves this weekend coming. Follow that with a win against Hibs and a last day of the season defeat of Kilmarnock with them already suntanned and a couple of pounds over.

Aberdeen however after licking their wounds against us would be faced with needing maximum points from both Celtic and Rangers - they might just do it against Celtic but i predict a final day draw to Rangers and pipped at the post for third.

As an aside got my season tickets for next year, what a difference to last years complete arse up.

HOOO ON THE JAMBOS

The roof came off the stand

It would have if there had been one.
What an enthralling encounter this one was between Currie Star and Spartans Black.

Young lads it is true and there is always scope for a scoreline more like a rugby game than football, but i guess as the kids mature and their knowledge and skills increase the scorelines will inevitable stabilise to a more recognisable level. The scoreline in this one belied their relative youth and with that came a tension and an excitement not normally felt by the onlookers.

Currie started the game well and forced many efforts on goal, but it was clear this game would be a tough encounter between two evenly matched teams. A few misshaps in defecnce early in the first half allowed Spartans in for their own share of attacks but it was as half time approached Currie got their reward for a good half's work with a well constructed and equally well executed goal. This was almost immediately cancelled out with a breakaway by Spartans and the equaliser.

Half Time

Currie Star 1
Spartans 1

The Currie coach must have had some words of wisdom for the lads at half time, a couple of personel changes too and the team tore into the second half with even more gusto and purpose than in the first. Currie went on to dominate the game with run upon run up either flank a through the middle. The only thing missing was the telling final pass and shot on goal.
Countless attacks came to nothing and the tension grew accordingly, there was always the possibility of a breakaway goal for Spartans. With time beginning to run out and the tension growing ever greater Currie eventually closed in and forced the ball home to tremendous roar from the spectators - If there was a roof it would have come off.

A truly fantastic game, a privilage to watch, well done to the Currie lads, fantastic. A good performance too from Spartans, i will look forward to the next time these two teams match up to each other.

Not my style at all this

Not really my style at all this, un-solicited or fettered rampage against our nearest and dearest, however on this auspicious occasion i will make an exception.
Received from a chap in my office earlier today, he really should get back to work.....

Choose life, choose Leith, choose not winning the cup for over 100 years, choose Gareth Evans, choose a disabled fan's carer running on to the park for a sly kick at Stuart Dougal, choose hookers down Coburg Street, choose Jimmy Boco, choose the smell wafting from the Seafield sewage works over the Links each morning, choose loosing to a bunch of Lithuanian waiters in the Inter Tattie cup, choose entering the Inter tattie cup in the first place, choose Jocky Scott, choose dirty needles, choose having the worst derby record in the entire world, choose Alan Sneddon, choose making a big deal about being "the first to wear the green" like it actually matters, choose being one day away from being closed down by your biggest rivals, choose being 'classy' when half of your support is made up of chavs, choose singing songs about refugees, choose a tenner bag, choose David Fellinger, choose David Duff and Jim Gray, choose trying to kid people into believing that you've always played good football when the truth is that you've been absolutely shyte for 30 years, choose going on and on and on about a game that occurred before most of you were even born, choose the Loch Inn, choose Edward Hurtado, choose getting humped 5-1 by some Ukranian team whose name nobody can pronounce, choose hiring an open-top bus for a cup final against a diddy team and then proceeding to loose the match, choose loosing 30,000 'fans' on the way home from said cup final, choose Benny Brazil, choose your derby rivals having won more derby matches at your ground than you have, choose to go on and on and on about once beating Real Madrid in a friendly match, choose Steve Cowan, choose running on the park for a sly kick at Andy Goram, choose Salamander Street, choose John Burridge, choose going 22 games in a row without beating your biggest rivals, choose making a big deal about a scoreboard that worked for a month, choose Alex Miller, choose incessantly going on about how some shady Russian is going to sell Tynecastle and shut Hearts down only to look on in horror as he invests heavily in the team, writes millions of pounds of debt off and builds a new main stand, choose Joe Tortolano, choose Burberry caps, skiddy pants and shell-suits, choose flairdoo's instead of hairdoo's, choose thinking that 'Sunshine on Leith' is not dreadful, choose running on the park for a sly kick at John Robertson, choose John Robertson scoring 27 goals against you, choose Wayne Foster actually scoring a goal against you and putting you out of the cup into the bargain, choose Bobby Williamson, choose hiring a manager with a monkey head, choose worshipping and buying a decanter for a manager who only won one match, choose defending your club captain for urinating in a charity shop doorway after a team night out watching strippers, choose thinking that the term 'yam' is even slightly amusing in any way shape or form, choose Mickey Weir, choose Pirniefield in the morning, choose being the most ungracious losers this side of Christendom, choose the cow-shed, choose going out of business when Celtic nicked all your players, choose running on to the pitch to celebrate your first derby win in 10 years only to be chased off again by the visiting support, choose living in the shadows of your neighbours for 131 years and forever knowing that you will always be the wee team, choose the Proclaimers, choose John Leslie, choose Hibs.

The first line is enough for me